you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize