it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
