so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
