Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
