You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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