I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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