Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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