I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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