I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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