I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
