im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
