So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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