I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
