i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
