Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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