you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
