Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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