you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
