I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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