Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize