she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
