I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
