this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
