I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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