Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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