end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
