It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
