His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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