I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
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