You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
