I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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