i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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