guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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