My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
