i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Houston, we have a squirter
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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