It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
jump out the window naked night went bad
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
