evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
