I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
So squirting runs in the family.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
