Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
