just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
