I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Oh god it's open bar.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
