That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
