HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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