my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
