those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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