Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
