I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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