Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
