I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
