just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
