It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She's the barista slut.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
