If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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