did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize