That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
