That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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