their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
