then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i will never coherently bang her
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
