That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
