I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
