I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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