You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
