ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
