im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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