We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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