I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
